Black and White = Grey

This is one of my most honest poems to date although, I was afraid to share it as there are many thoughts and feelings which I have never expressed to anyone and I’m aware that some of my family and friends may be offended. This is not my intention my intention is to share MY TRUTH and for people to understand and relate to the issues faced by being mixed race.

Half caste, mixed race, dual heritage,

Biracial, bicultural, multicultural,

Light skin, pale skinned, privileged.

Good hair, luscious curls, frizzy hair.

Judged by the colour of my skin from both sides.

Half black, blackie and nigga.

What are you? You’re not white, you’re not black.

Judged by the colour of my skin from both sides. 

No one understands my battles.

No identify, I may as well be an alien.

No acceptance from my white side or black side

Where do I reside?

No one understands my battles.

My white ancestors enslaving my black ancestors.

No one even considers my battles.

Two sides battling each other.

Both sides hating each other.

No one understands my battles.

My black ancestors’ hearts beating like the drums as they scream for freedom

While my white ancestors watch on laughing like the clacking of their chains.

No one contemplates my battles.

My black ancestors raped by my white ancestors. 

My white ancestors inflicting immense torture on my black ancestors.

No one understands my battles.

How do I heal from this torture?

How do I make peace with my ancestors?

Hatred running through my blood from my white side to my black side.

Hatred running through my blood from my black side to my white side.

No one understands my internal battles.

Black sheep.

White sheep.

Bah, bah black sheep

Bah, bah white sheep

Black on black, white on white

I wished I was just one

No longer a constant battle, no longer fighting none

No longer feeling…

Bitterness and resentment to my parents for burdening with this curse.

Louise Pierre

1 Mixed Race Avenue

London

Dominica

IAM LO57

1^st March 1977

Dear Parents,

When you conceived me did you think about the impact and psychological effects of having of having your mixed race baby?

Or did you think by mixing your DNA you’d make a beautiful, cute mixed race baby with caramel skin and long, dark curly hair?

Did you not think that your beautiful, cute mixed race baby with caramel skin and long, dark curly hair would grow up to be a confused, lost woman.

Confused and lost in a world where she is not accepted as a black woman and not accepted as a whitewoman?

Did you not think that your beautiful, cute mixed race baby with caramel skin and long, dark curly hair would grow up internally hating herself for not being black and not being white?

When you conceived me what did your parents say? Did they accept the fact that you were going to have a beautiful, cute mixed race baby with caramel skin and long, dark, curly hair?

Did my racist Nanny Kathleen jump with joy? Or did she tell you to abort that black baby. 

That black baby that Nanny Brin would hold in her arms and comment on how white white my skin was?

Mum, how did you feel when you walked down the street with me and was abused for having a black baby by people with the same skin colour as you?

Dad, how did you feel about your black people questioning if I was your child because of my pale, light skin?

If you went back in time would you have decided to have a beautiful, cute mixed race baby with caramel skin and long, dark curly hair?

Love from your beautiful mixed race daughter with caramel skin and short, blonde hair xxx

Louise Pierre

1 Mixed Race Avenue

London

Dominica

IAM LO57

28^th July 1997

Dear Children,

Firstly, let me say I’m sorry

I’m sorry to you Kai,

I’m sorry to you Jahziah,

I’m sorry to you Justyn,

I’m sorry to you Javier,

I’m sorry to you Jevayah,

I’m sorry for your generational curse that I impregnated on to you.

You are potentially five more generations for the curse to continue.

How can I break this?

Does it start with me?

Or is it just too late?

When I had you all I never thought of the repercussions.

I just wanted to bring you my children into the world where you wouldn’t be judged by the colour of you skin.

Where you wouldn’t be judged by the texture of your hair.

I wanted to bring you into the world and grow you as strong, loving individuals.

Individuals with minds of your own and the desertion to know what is wrong or right.

Now, I want to guide you all into your spiritual selves.

For you all to be guided by our black ancestors that will break the chains of mental slavery.

My children I want you to pave the way for our future generations.

My children I want you to know that I love you unconditionally.

My children I want you to know that my love conquers all for you and your generations to come.

My children I want you to know that I am doing my best to break all the chains from our  ancestors so that I can provide a better future for you and yours.

My children you have the power to rise above all that has been holding us back for generations and generations.

My children I am proud of the men and woman you will be.

My children I am proud of the parents you will be.

My black children I love you.

Love from Mummy, the free, mixed raced, beautiful woman that is at one with herself.